


With Hesitations, Confessions

by Megane



Series: One Day, Three Autumns [1]
Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Awkwardness, Character Growth, Character Study, Confessions, Embedded Images, Friends to Lovers, Implied or Referenced Trauma, Late Night Conversations, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pre-Relationship, Romanticism, Scars, Texting, Vincent's a Secret Romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:47:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29545356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megane/pseuds/Megane
Summary: Cloud has known Vincent for… years, and over that period of time, he found himself becoming more attracted to the mysterious gunner. Finally, after five years of battles and friendship, he decided to do something about it. Starting at… 11:15PM.
Relationships: Cloud Strife/Vincent Valentine
Series: One Day, Three Autumns [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2186196
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	With Hesitations, Confessions

So…

Vincent was immortal… right?

It was strange how a single question kept Cloud’s mind going. He was interested in the gunner ever since they opened his coffin nearly five years ago. He learned a lot about Vincent’s history– all that Vincent cared to share anyway. He fought by Vincent’s side; they dealt with a lot of Shinra and JENOVA and DEEPGROUND nonsense. Cloud slowly learned to overcome his own demons, and Vincent… well, it was hard to say what personal progress he made. He never really talked about it. And considering this, Cloud, ah… It wasn't too strange to say that Cloud wanted to know how Vincent was doing on a personal level. He really, truly, honestly, _genuinely_ wanted to know.

And after years of being self-isolated and tight lipped and quiet, Cloud was finally learning to be more personable. He was learning to be more honest with himself, and after maybe a year or two of wistful glances and longing dreams, Cloud could finally admit that he was attracted to Vincent. It… made sense, right? Of course it did. They had been friends for years by now. They had gone through so much together…

This line of thinking and self-admittance was what drove Cloud to the decision to go see Vincent late one fine night. He pressed a button on the side of his phone and saw that it read 11:15 PM. He chewed the inside of his cheek. It was pretty late for a visit, even he knew that. He would have swung by earlier, but he had a very… interesting… meeting with Reno and Rude about an assignment and then he helped Tifa around the bar for a while. Time just sort of escaped his grasp, but now, he was staring at his phone, debating about whether or not he should shoot Vincent a text. A phone call would have been better though, right? It would've, but… Cloud turned his head slightly to the left. No, a phone call wouldn’t work. The idea of _hearing_ himself asking to go see Vincent was a little, eh, embarrassing. He decided to go for a text instead.

He lowered his hand down against his right thigh, staring down at the text before finally hitting send. The key was in the ignition, and he had two options ahead of him now. He was either going to pull out the key, head back inside, go upstairs, and rest in his room for the night. Or… he was going to crank the engine and drive all the way to Kalm instead. His phone vibrated twice in his hand, and Cloud’s heart, very briefly, beat excitedly in his chest. He stared at the TWO NEW MESSAGES prompt on his phone and quickly pressed OK.

  
  


Cloud typed out a quick message, gently pinching the inside of his lip with his right canine teeth.

He reached his left hand forward and turned his key in the ignition. Fenrir jumped to life. The roar of the engine vibrated up through Cloud’s form. It was a familiar comfort, one he would never get tired of. When his phone vibrated, he brought his hand back to respond.

Cloud was a little surprised that Vincent agreed. If it were him, sure, he might have agreed as well, but he wouldn’t have been happy about it. He reached up to pull his goggles down over his eyes, adjusting them slightly with his thumb and index finger. He was just about to close his phone and put it away when he felt another response vibrate against his palm.  
  


A small smirk lifted Cloud’s lips. Well, that settled it then. He snapped his phone closed and then slipped it into his back pocket. After taking in a deep breath, Cloud reached forward and gripped the handlebars. It was a long drive to Kalm but not much longer than he expected. He was glad for the silence and the solace of the night sky over his head. Stars twinkled beautifully. For a moment, Cloud almost wanted to stop and watch them, but he was a man on a mission. Maybe he’d have a chance to admire them later after he touched down– who knows. Nervousness crept along his spine; the vibrations of his motorcycle managed to keep most of his anxiousness at bay, but it was still there. Cloud gave a slight shake of his head.

What was he even going to do when he got there? He really didn’t plan this out at all. He uncurled his index and middle fingers, stroking along the silver metal of the brake lever. What did he want to say? Coming straight out with things wasn’t exactly his strong suit, especially when it came to attraction. Usually, he just kept it to himself– bottled it up where it couldn’t effect anyone. And now here he was being proactive.

Huh. He really had changed.

He tipped his feet forward over the footpegs and leaned more into Fenrir as he rode. He decided to let his mind empty out and just see where the moment took him. This was a bad idea– or at least that’s what his gut was saying. But when it came to matters like this, his gut wasn’t exactly reliable. In the end, Cloud just decided to stop overthinking and let it all go. He mentally told himself to shut up and just enjoy the ride.

Cloud did take a moment to stare at the stars when he finally arrived, though Kalm had a heavy light pollution; he was amazed he could see anything at all when he parked in front of Vincent’s townhouse. After taking the last few moments to stargaze and find his courage, Cloud pulled his keys out of the still Fenrir’s ignition and began climbing up the stone steps towards Vincent’s place. He knocked on the door and waited. He heard shuffling. He swore there was movement overhead just before the faint sound of something touching onto the ground. He huffed a tiny laugh through his nose and slid his left hand into his back pocket.

The door opened, and there stood Vincent. He was missing the cape and the gauntlets, leaving him in only the black turtleneck and form fitting, high waisted leather pants he typically wore underneath. Cloud nodded his head in greeting. Vincent took a small half-step back, a silent sign of permission.

“Vincent,” Cloud said as he walked in.

“What brings you here so late?” Vincent closed the door behind Cloud, who took a moment to examine where he was.

Everything considered, Vincent had a small space. He wasn’t sure what else he was expecting. There was a door to his left, a bed straight in front of him with the rest of the room opening out across from the foot of it. To his right was a bathroom, and that was about… it from what he could tell. After a few beats of silence, Cloud shook himself out of his thoughts. _Focus._ He turned slightly to his right as Vincent came to his side. He lifted his eyes to meet Vincent’s. Crimson— _were they always that colour?_ he found himself wondering. He felt the deepest urge to step closer and just admire the other male. But he refrained.

“Can’t really say myself,” Cloud began, sounding as indifferent as always. “Something came to mind, and for some reason, I just wanted to follow through with it.”

Vincent let out a small noise, expressionless but… something. Cloud didn’t take it as a bad thing. Vincent motioned his hand towards the rest of the living space, and Cloud followed after. Vincent took a seat on the window sill and drew up his left leg in front of him. He set his corresponding arm atop his knee. His right hand set on his thigh, idly stroking down slowly before resting just above his knee. Cloud leaned against the wall across from Vincent. He folded his arms loosely and tipped his head down slightly as he watched Vincent. Ah, what he felt was so cliché looking at Vincent now, but the city lights illuminated Vincent in a way that made him seem as otherworldly as he acted. Cloud watched as Vincent turned his head, staring out the open window towards the buildings and the few people still milling about town.

“Didn’t interrupt you, did I?” Cloud asked, understanding how valuable one’s peace could be.

Vincent shook his head silently; the fingers of his left hand curled slowly. Ah… his bare hands. Yes, suddenly, Cloud was aware that the gunner had both bare hands and bare feet. He could make out a faint scar over the back of Vincent’s right hand and a matching one on his foot. Cloud shifted his gaze over to the side so he wasn’t staring. He pressed his lips together and sighed slowly out of his nose. What was he doing…? Honestly, he had no idea. It would be really awkward if he just turned and left right now. And honestly, he would feel guilty. Even though, in the grande scheme of things, this wasn’t truly that deep, it would bother him to leave Vincent with unanswered questions. Cloud closed his eyes, and instead of trying to be tactical about it, he just decided to talk and see what came out.

Not necessarily his strong suit but, ah. Dammit…

“I was thinking about you today.”

“Hm?” A pause, and Vincent continued with, “About me?”

“Yeah.” Cloud scratched the back of his head, feeling a little embarrassed for being so honest. But there was no turning back now, was there? “In between helping Reno and Rude and doing inventory with Tifa, I got this wild idea to just… come see you.” Cloud opened his eyes. He felt that he was blushing now. Hopefully, not very much. “This isn’t really the first time you've crossed my mind. Just… the first time I’ve done something about it.”

Vincent shifted the fingers of his right hand now, rubbing his middle finger against his thumb. He lowered his gaze slightly. After a thoughtful moment, he looked back up to Cloud and asked,

“How long?” _How long have you been thinking about me…?_

Cloud gently bit down on his bottom lip before saying, “A couple of years, maybe.” Probably three, give or take, but he wasn’t entirely great on keeping track of time.

“Cloud…” Vincent turned his head away quickly. Black hair swayed against his back, its flow almost imperceptible but beautiful for that brief moment.

A silence fell between them, and Cloud was thankful for it. This was more familiar to him. It was better than talking, better than verbal confessions, better than experiencing himself ineloquently string his thoughts together. His mind didn’t even trip over the possibility of rejection, and he couldn’t decide if that was his foolishness or bravery at play. Vincent stood up and moved to stand at the foot of his bed. He motioned his hand over it.

“Do you want to rest?”

“Huh?” was the first, typically ineloquent reaction out of Cloud’s mouth.

“It took you… three hours to get here?” Vincent tipped his head towards his clock and then looked back to Cloud.

“I…” Wow. Did it really take that long? Cloud hesitated and then nodded his head. “Yeah. Sounds good.”

Cloud removed his boots, left them against the wall, and then walked over to Vincent’s bed. He climbed on top, and he was already welcoming the idea of laying down. Vincent came to sit down beside him, back facing Cloud as he slightly hunched forward. Cloud sighed softly and rolled onto his side to face Vincent. Having a pillow under his head was such a great relief now. He was suddenly aware of the gentle pounding in his head and the dryness of his mouth. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, rubbing his tongue against the back of his teeth to try and collect some saliva gather in his mouth. When he felt better off, he slowly opened his eyes and looked to Vincent. The silence between them had a weight, but it wasn't… uncomfortable. If anything, it made Cloud feel curious. What was Vincent thinking? Maybe how they would talk about this later, or maybe even how he would dismiss this as fatigue induced chatter. Cloud stared at Vincent’s back through his lashes. He could only wonder– many things and people often left him in that state of suspended wonder, but with Vincent, it didn't seem like such a bad thing…

Outside of the direct light, Vincent’s black hair blended in with his turtleneck. Cloud almost wanted to reach out and blindly divide the textures to feel through Vincent’s hair for himself. But he didn’t. For now, he laid on this bed, steadily feeling more and more tired as the seconds passed. He felt alright when he arrived. Nervous maybe, but alright all the same. Maybe it was just too much; maybe it was just “too new” for him. The hour was late, and his body just wasn’t having any of this right now. Maybe he should have waited until tomorrow for all of this confession nonsense.

“For years, I questioned my attraction to you,” Vincent said coolly, not turning to face Cloud. “I wondered… if I was relating too closely to your pain, if I was bringing myself to you when you didn’t need that sort of… attachment. I thought about it, the idea ‘us’, for maybe… three or four years.”

Cloud’s lips parted, and his brows furrowed as he stared up at Vincent in shock. He allowed himself the beat of silence and then asked with a voice that was all too soft, “What do you think now?”

“If this is truly what it is, then I think I’m ready,” Vincent admitted with far more couth than Cloud could have mustered at the moment—or even at all. Vincent turned to look down at Cloud, looking only a fraction as embarrassed as Cloud felt. “If I’m not mistaking this… then I want to reciprocate what you, hopefully, feel.”

It's been always a struggle for Cloud to come to terms with what he felt– positive, negative, or anything in between. It had taken years for him to learn himself, to feel like his own person, to believe that whatever he felt for any reason was valid— and now old habits were springing up. He was willing to pursue this. He knew that he was, but his stomach knotted up and made him feel uncertain. He grit his teeth and pushed down the unfortunately familiar doubt as he said,

“Yeah.” He pushed up onto his right arm, propping his body up. “I want to see where this goes.”

Vincent gave a brief huff of laughter. He tipped his head down before turning more towards Cloud. “Even after everything?”

Cloud gave a smirk, tilting his head towards his right shoulder. “We’ve been through a lot, haven’t we?”

Vincent moved closer. He sat near Cloud's ribs, placed his right hand to the side of Cloud’s head, and leaned down over the blond. His black hair draped on either side of his face. The red headband was what kept most of his hair from falling completely forward.

Cloud brought a hand up to gently hold Vincent's forearm. “With Sephiroth, my memories, the triplets…”

“Chaos, Weiss, the Protomateria," Vincent added slowly.

At once, they said, “Shinra.”

Cloud turned his head to laugh. He brought his free hand up to his mouth, fingers half curled against his lips. He glanced up at Vincent to see a small smile on those pale lips. It was ridiculous all the things they had endured, but Vincent was… someone he could understand and be understood by. Sure, he wasn’t sure what to think of Vincent at first, but now. Now, he was a trusted ally. Hopefully, he could be… something else. Cloud shifted his head to look up properly at Vincent once again. He then reached up his hand, touched it to Vincent’s face, and took in a silent breath of surprise.

Vincent’s skin was… not really cold, but there was a thin chill under Cloud’s fingertips. He stroked his fingers over Vincent’s cheek before cupping it with his palm.

“You’re…” Cloud paused and then tried again, “Are you always…?” Well, not much better the second time around, but hopefully, Vincent got the general idea.

Vincent tilted his hand towards Cloud’s palm before covering Cloud’s hand with one of his own. “Mostly at night, but if I’m not in the Sun, then yes. I’m cold.” He stroked his thumb over Cloud’s fingers.

Cloud shook his head. “Not cold. Just a little chilly.”

It was like Vincent had been outside when the temperature dropped just before coming back inside. For a few seconds, Cloud felt his fingers getting colder but then Vincent’s cheek, his fingers, and Cloud’s hand all slowly grew warmer with the blond’s body heat.

“You’re warm,” Vincent commented but then said, “Is that why you’re blushing?”

Cloud looked sheepish; he curled his fingers against Vincent’s cheek. “Am I really?”

“Just a little bit. Can’t say I’ve seen you this way before.”

“It’s not really common.” Cloud brought his other hand up to hold Vincent’s face. He coaxed the former Turk down and met Vincent’s gaze with hooded eyes. “Consider yourself special.”

Another smile pulled at Vincent’s lips. Cloud brought his hands back to himself before blowing into his palms and rubbing his hands together. “Warm up,” he mumbled to himself before touching over Vincent’s face and neck. He felt… two slight indentations under his palms. Oh. He immediately moved his hands to Vincent’s shoulders– not out of fear, or even surprise, but out of respect.

“Sorry,” Cloud said in a breath.

Vincent lowered his eyes before closing them and shaking his head. “It’s fine.” Cloud hesitated and gave Vincent’s shoulders a squeeze. “Really,” Vincent assured. “I’m…” He tilted his head. “The scars don’t bother me. It's just that I’m just used to nobody seeing them.” _Or touching them…_ But now Cloud was here. Neither of them pushed the point, and Vincent used his other hand to push aside Cloud’s fringe. “But one day.”

It was a promise, a small promise but one that Cloud would keep in his mind. He nodded. He had his own fair share of scars as well. Just like Vincent, he wasn’t used to anyone seeing them– or treating any of his wounds, really, when they first occurred.

“One day,” Cloud said, echoing the promise back to Vincent.

“You should sleep, then,” Vincent said. He drew his hand away. “I’m still surprised you made the trip just to see me.”

Before Vincent could pull himself away, Cloud locked his hands and kept the gunner down. “It was necessary ‘just’ to see you.” It was the only way he could do this. He then shook his head slightly. "Don’t dismiss yourself like that…”

Vincent stared into Cloud’s eyes but then gave a small noise of assent. Good. Cloud finally let him go and then rolled over to his other side to face Vincent’s wall. Well, this went better than he was expecting. When he first arrived, he had no idea what he was going to do or say, but now, he was… with? Vincent? They didn’t really say so in clear words, vague as they both were, but he felt as if that’s what happened. Now that that was over, there wasn't much left to do but relax. Vincent got up from the bed, and Cloud listened as Vincent busied himself around the townhouse. Then, he blinked. A door opened, and then soft footsteps sounded as Vincent headed downstairs. Ah, there was another level– made sense. Cloud blinked again, slower this time, and then he saw Vincent closing the windows and drawing the curtains closed.

When he opened his eyes again, it was pitch black. He was under the covers now with an arm around his waist. At some point in his sleep, he had turned to face Vincent. Some part of him noted that he should have felt weird about this whole thing, about sharing a bed with someone. He should have felt weird that Vincent moved him in his sleep, and yet… No apprehension came. There was just the observation that Vincent had did it, and that was it. No feelings attached. It was strangely liberating. Cloud reached out slowly, not wanting to ruin the moment by accidentally punching Vincent in the face. He uncurled his fingers. He felt the turtleneck first, and then moving up, he felt Vincent’s chin. Reaching slightly higher, he touched over soft, thin lips; Vincent’s hair brushed against the back of his hand, and Cloud combed it backwards.

“Do you really think you could be with me?” Vincent asked, voice dragged lower as he roused himself from sleep.

The sound was… incredibly pleasant. Unbelievably sensual. Cloud drew himself closer.

“With… my long life, creatures raking against the inside of my mind, Chaos…? I’m more beast than man at this point.”

“And I don’t know what to make of myself,” Cloud said, “so… the most we can do is try, I guess.”

It felt odd trying to match Vincent’s levelheadedness, which was a little peculiar on its own. Why was he so calm about this? Cloud decided to ask; he couldn't help himself. Vincent took in a long breath through his nose.

“I… lost the love of my life many, many years ago… While I’m not looking for anyone to replace her, I’ve wondered if there would be a chance for me to start again, to find a place in someone’s heart where I could belong.” He reached up to take Cloud’s hand and kissed against the blond’s fingers. “I know you; I understand you more than I’ve understood anyone else. And I’m past the point of being flustered. Now that I know what it is you think of me, I can only be honest.”

Cloud was blushing again, and he was glad for the darkness this time. He gave Vincent’s fingers a little squeeze. “Aren’t you lucky?”

Vincent chuckled, and the sound was as comforting as the rumble from Fenrir. “I’ll always fight with you. You have my beasts, my guns, but if you want _me_ , I don’t know what else I can promise you.”

“Just yourself,” Cloud said. He was burning up– he was a novice at this, especially compared to Vincent. “And… I want you as you are.” He wanted to bury himself in a pillow.

“Too bad it’s late,” Vincent said. It was so quiet and thoughtful that Cloud was almost certain that the gunner meant to keep that to himself. Vincent opened his eyes, and there was a soft glow of red just for a moment. He leaned forward to press a kiss against Cloud’s forehead.

“… Come here,” Cloud whispered.

He tipped slightly onto his back as he reached up to pull Vincent down. Their kiss was soft and slow as they worked their lips against each other. Cloud was surprised by the warmth that surged down to his stomach. When they broke away, Cloud licked his lips, melting away the chill that was left on them.

“I’d be okay… if we…”

They were still so close together. He swore he could feel Vincent smile in the space between them. “One day,” Vincent promised again.

They kissed briefly once more in parting and then Vincent laid back down, smoothing his hand over Cloud’s waist. Cloud shivered slightly, not from nervousness or even the chill of Vincent’s touch, but from anticipation.

This was the first time he could remember diving blindly into something and things working out well. Save some awkwardness on his part, this was relatively painless. He looked forward to when he could open his eyes and see Vincent resting across from him. Tomorrow morning and hopefully maybe for many mornings more…


End file.
